Therapy in Pictures: Part One

Part One: The Bicycle Wheel

If you think in pictures or like analogies, I’m the therapist for you. 

Sometimes pictures really are worth a thousand words, and when getting to the heart of the matter, visualizing something can be super helpful.

Picture a wheel on a bike, or alternatively, a unicycle. As you read those words, an image automatically popped inside your mind. I use this visual often in therapy sessions with my clients and with myself. 

Your life is like a Bicycle wheel.

• You are the hub: the center of the wheel. 

  • Not you and your spouse. Not you and your kids. (And I’d argue: not even you and God, but people will call me a heretic for that. Jesus didn’t die for you to lose your identity. You have your own personhood and identity. But I digress.) Just you. This is your wheel.

  • Everyone has their own wheel. 

    • If you’re married, you’re part of a bicycle. 

      • You are headed in a unified direction.

      • There are several parts that connect the two of you, but you each are your own wheel.

    • If you’re single, you’re a unicycle! 

    • If you’re in a thruple, you might need a different therapist. ;)

• The things and relationships that make up your life are the spokes. 

  • Your goal in life is to have enough spokes to make your life go round smoothly. If you only have a few spokes, the wheel soon collapses in on itself. 

• Spokes need maintenance. 

• Broken spokes or weak spokes need attention and repairs.

  • The amount and type of spokes vary from wheel to wheel. 

• You just need to worry about the health of your own wheel.

• If you lack spokes, you need to add some.

  • Hobbies

  • Relationships

  • Responsibilities

A closer look

I’ll use a single guy at my church as an example. I’d say this guy is somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance to me. Even from this somewhat removed vantage point, here are the spokes that I can see in his life:

• His relationship with God

• His political preferences

• His awesome dog

• His chosen profession

• Close friendships

• Family

• Therapy

• Music

• Yoga

• Disc golf

• Running

• Camping and general outdoor activities

This guy is working with an incredible amount of spokes. IMO, he does singleness very well. 

Would he like to add the “wife” spoke? You bet. But as of now, he has enough spokes that his life involves a lot of variety. It isn’t stagnant. If one spoke is weak or unavailable to him for a season, he can live his life without fear that the wheel will collapse. 

For a married person with kids, the tendency might be to just have your spouse, your kids, their activities, home duties, work duties as your spokes.

• This is not enough to make a wheel go around! 

• This person has to add some other spokes to their life that are reflective of who they are, not just the roles they play. This is a big but worthy task to take on!

In the therapy office:

In counseling or coaching sessions, I often notice that people have a fixation on just one of their spokes. Sure, there are seasons where one spoke will take up most of your attention, like if you are heading up a merger at work, or caretaking an elderly parent in poor health. But in general, you don’t need to let one spoke get all of your focus. Fixation on one spoke leads to mental health downfalls like worry or anxiety about that issue, feelings of depression, or even codependency.

Next steps:

• Assess your hub.

• Do you live like you share your hub with someone/something? That thing actually has its own wheel. Adjust accordingly.

• Identify your spokes.

• Are they in good working condition? Do you need any more (or less) spokes to make your wheel go around smoothly?

Remember:

• The strength of your spokes in the strength of your life.

• Tune up and make adjustments to enjoy a healthier ride!

Awesome drawing by @art.byisadora